This is a great read, and your description about your own family of origin dynamics it made me remember a conversation I captured a couple of years ago, with my 10-year-old son…
—
Tonight, Caleb asked me whether it was painful to get Botox.
“I have no idea,” I said, surprised.
This led to a conversation about plastic surgery, what that was, why some women chose to get it, and how society tends to have different expectations for women than men. Still.
“But can you imagine if things were the other way around?” Caleb asked. “I can’t even imagine a world where lots of men get plastic surgery.”
“Not really,” I said.
“And can you imagine a world,” Caleb continued, his tone full of speculative wonder, extending his imaginative flight of fancy, “Where women do the dishes? Or wash the clothes?”
“No,” I said with a straight face, listening to the sounds of my husband finishing up the dishes downstairs.
“And I can’t believe men used to control women,” Caleb said. “Why would you do that to your wife? Someone you love. I can’t imagine Dad controlling you.”
This was beautifully written (as always). Let’s hear it for millennial dads changing generational norms! I could not be the mom I want to be without my husband being the dad he needs to be. I’m so grateful for him every day.
Loved everything about this post, Lauren! I think a huge part of parenthood today (at least from my experience) is that it’s viewed much more as teamwork. We work together, we share the load. I remember when I was newly postpartum, dealing with a lot of postpartum anxiety + difficulties with breastfeeding, my husband would sit with me at every doctor’s appointment. When the nurse would ask questions like: how many wet diapers per 24hours? How much sleep? How many ounces? I would just look to my husband and he would answer. He took note of everything. It was nice to not have to carry that load. It’s funny cuz the nurse at one point asked him if he worked in healthcare because he was so on top of his game. Nope! Just a dad being a dad!
Aww thank you so much for reading! And I love that y’all have that teamwork dynamic. It really is so important and helps to lift some of the burden off of us as mothers. My husband was the same in those early dr appts and it made me feel so grateful that he was the father of my children. I love when dads take initiative like that to know the ins and outs, just as we do!
I really enjoyed reading this, Lauren! My husband and I share a value that we all contribute to taking care of our home. This translates to our 21 month old son "helping" around the house since he could crawl. He throws piles of clothes in the washing machine, passes clean cutlery to one of us to put in the drawer, wipes up spills, tidies at the end of the day, and so much more! Our children are learning from us by watching us, and how can we expect to raise helpful, considerate children (and boys) if they never witness their father choosing to perform these tasks and acts of service? I agree in "dividing and conquering" where necessary, simply from an efficiency perspective... and I also love that we live in a time where fathers (want to) help carry the weight of the day to day. Our children are lucky to grow up in this dynamic!
Hi Jan! Thank you so much for reading! We are raising our children with very similar dynamics and practices, it sounds like! I’m so excited to see how the next generation expands even further on this and how it benefits the family unit. 💗
This is such a thoughtful breakdown, the point about growing up with a more balanced household making the opposite dynamic feel foreign is such an interesting angle most people don't talk about
This was such a great read! I think about this a lot because I remember my dad being really involved growing up. Both of my parents worked full-time, but my mom still made sure dinner was on the table, cleaned the house, and even worked outside in the yard. At the same time, my dad was right there too—out in the yard helping me practice tumbling for cheer, helping with homework, and just being present.
I do wonder how much of it is each generation trying not to repeat the things that bothered them growing up. My husband talks all the time about things his dad did that he wants to make sure he doesn’t do with our kids, and I catch myself saying the same thing about my mom. I think most of us really do mean well.
It also makes me wonder if the generation before us had a completely different frame of reference. Their fathers may have been away because of war, work, or just different expectations, and simply having a father physically present at home may have felt like enough. Today, our expectations of what “being involved” looks like are so different.
Such an interesting topic—you definitely gave me something to think about.
It sounds like we have some pretty similar family dynamics! I think you are so spot on with why each generation does things differently or “better” than the one before. And I also wonder what the expectations were and what was considered normal in the times before our grand/great grandparents. I really appreciate your thoughtful reply!💗
“Fathers have always had the capability to nurture their children. The beauty is that our culture increasingly expects and celebrates that kind of involvement rather than viewing it as unusual or unnecessary. This change is one I think will continue and I truly hope it does.”
My dad always say’s “motherhood is hard work and it’s a thankless job. I’m glad I didn’t have to do it.”
And I never say this, because sharing opinions with my dad is often pointless and exhausting, but I always think: a mother doesn’t need to be thanked. She needs to be helped.
Yes! We need a partner, not just more appreciation. I always find it interesting that some men can pick up on the burden of responsibility that mothers carry, and still do nothing to try to take some of that burden away. I’m glad times are changing because it’s surely been a long time coming! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience as well💗
Exactly this! If we have to think through and ask someone to do what needs to be done, we have already taken on the mental labor of that responsibility. The mental load is often more draining than the physical burden, so at that point, it feels like we might as well do said task on our own. Sometimes it takes them time to see the things we see that need to be done, but they ARE capable of it😉.
The recliner and the kitchen were never just furniture. In Lauren’s essay, they become a map of who was permitted to rest, who carried the invisible work, and what children learned to call normal.
Her argument gains force when fatherhood moves beyond provision into ownership: diapers, appointments, teachers’ names, bedtime routines, and the mental load that keeps a household functioning. That shift changes motherhood too, creating space for breath, partnership, and an identity larger than perpetual availability.
Framework Living asks us to look inside the four walls where the village first takes shape. Follow Lauren from the holidays that angered her as a child to the sons now growing up with an involved father, and consider which family pattern your home is teaching the next generation to inherit.
Lauren, your movement from the kitchen and recliner toward shared ownership of the invisible work gives the essay its governing change: presence becomes responsibility before it becomes performance. The family emerges here as a child’s first institution, teaching who carries labor, whose rest is protected, and how love distributes responsibility. Your sons are learning fatherhood through daily participation, while motherhood gains room to breathe, choose, and remain fully human inside the family. Thank you for showing how a household can revise inherited roles and pass a more equitable definition of care into the next generation.
Interesting read!!! Growing up that was the dynamic in my family, all the men relaxing while the women do all the work. The men or dads were never emotionally involved with the kids. My husband and I are very much a team and tag team so much of the stuff with the kids, especially the emotional needs of them. I also do lots of yard work and sometimes he’ll do dishes! I think it’s better to be a team and everyone participates.
Thank you for reading! I totally agree that teamwork is the focal point. Each person has various strengths and weaknesses, and relationship/parenting dynamics are all about balancing them.
I’m a new mom and felt confident that my husband would be a great father. In many ways, he is a great father, but the load is definitely not equal and is something we are working on. One of my good friends has a husband who hasn’t helped at night since DAY TWO! My own dad had thoughts on that today, and I asked how many nights he helped with… he admitted that he travelled for work 110 nights a year (average). Parenting is the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life so far. I think we are all doing our best but I really appreciate the viewpoint of the village starting at home.
It’s all a work in progress, to be sure. And you’re right that we are all trying our best! My focus is more so on the cultural shift and how on average, fathers are more involved in the day-to-day than they maybe were in generations before. Thank you for taking the time to read💗
This is a great read, and your description about your own family of origin dynamics it made me remember a conversation I captured a couple of years ago, with my 10-year-old son…
—
Tonight, Caleb asked me whether it was painful to get Botox.
“I have no idea,” I said, surprised.
This led to a conversation about plastic surgery, what that was, why some women chose to get it, and how society tends to have different expectations for women than men. Still.
“But can you imagine if things were the other way around?” Caleb asked. “I can’t even imagine a world where lots of men get plastic surgery.”
“Not really,” I said.
“And can you imagine a world,” Caleb continued, his tone full of speculative wonder, extending his imaginative flight of fancy, “Where women do the dishes? Or wash the clothes?”
“No,” I said with a straight face, listening to the sounds of my husband finishing up the dishes downstairs.
“And I can’t believe men used to control women,” Caleb said. “Why would you do that to your wife? Someone you love. I can’t imagine Dad controlling you.”
“Neither can Dad,” I said, laughing.
Oh I’m obsessed with this! His future partner and children will be so grateful for the upbringing y’all are giving him. This is everything!
Wow, God bless his heart! You’re raising a gem, Lisa.
This was beautifully written (as always). Let’s hear it for millennial dads changing generational norms! I could not be the mom I want to be without my husband being the dad he needs to be. I’m so grateful for him every day.
You are so kind! And yes absolutely👏. I’m so grateful for this new generation of fathers! Thank you for reading friend💗
Loved everything about this post, Lauren! I think a huge part of parenthood today (at least from my experience) is that it’s viewed much more as teamwork. We work together, we share the load. I remember when I was newly postpartum, dealing with a lot of postpartum anxiety + difficulties with breastfeeding, my husband would sit with me at every doctor’s appointment. When the nurse would ask questions like: how many wet diapers per 24hours? How much sleep? How many ounces? I would just look to my husband and he would answer. He took note of everything. It was nice to not have to carry that load. It’s funny cuz the nurse at one point asked him if he worked in healthcare because he was so on top of his game. Nope! Just a dad being a dad!
Aww thank you so much for reading! And I love that y’all have that teamwork dynamic. It really is so important and helps to lift some of the burden off of us as mothers. My husband was the same in those early dr appts and it made me feel so grateful that he was the father of my children. I love when dads take initiative like that to know the ins and outs, just as we do!
I really enjoyed reading this, Lauren! My husband and I share a value that we all contribute to taking care of our home. This translates to our 21 month old son "helping" around the house since he could crawl. He throws piles of clothes in the washing machine, passes clean cutlery to one of us to put in the drawer, wipes up spills, tidies at the end of the day, and so much more! Our children are learning from us by watching us, and how can we expect to raise helpful, considerate children (and boys) if they never witness their father choosing to perform these tasks and acts of service? I agree in "dividing and conquering" where necessary, simply from an efficiency perspective... and I also love that we live in a time where fathers (want to) help carry the weight of the day to day. Our children are lucky to grow up in this dynamic!
Hi Jan! Thank you so much for reading! We are raising our children with very similar dynamics and practices, it sounds like! I’m so excited to see how the next generation expands even further on this and how it benefits the family unit. 💗
Yes was noddingy head to almost everything there.I am a stay at home father to five kids and often write about parenthood.
I love this!! I immediately subscribed to you and can’t wait to read your work! Thank you for reading my post ☺️
This is such a thoughtful breakdown, the point about growing up with a more balanced household making the opposite dynamic feel foreign is such an interesting angle most people don't talk about
Thank you Isabella!! I really appreciate you reading and replying💗
I love the headline! And so true — the easiest guesswork of all time was knowing where dad and mom would be in the house, 80% of the time.
Invariably says so much about parenting during our time.
Absolutely! I feel like it’s something that was so understood, but not always verbalized. Thank you so much for reading!
This was such a great read! I think about this a lot because I remember my dad being really involved growing up. Both of my parents worked full-time, but my mom still made sure dinner was on the table, cleaned the house, and even worked outside in the yard. At the same time, my dad was right there too—out in the yard helping me practice tumbling for cheer, helping with homework, and just being present.
I do wonder how much of it is each generation trying not to repeat the things that bothered them growing up. My husband talks all the time about things his dad did that he wants to make sure he doesn’t do with our kids, and I catch myself saying the same thing about my mom. I think most of us really do mean well.
It also makes me wonder if the generation before us had a completely different frame of reference. Their fathers may have been away because of war, work, or just different expectations, and simply having a father physically present at home may have felt like enough. Today, our expectations of what “being involved” looks like are so different.
Such an interesting topic—you definitely gave me something to think about.
It sounds like we have some pretty similar family dynamics! I think you are so spot on with why each generation does things differently or “better” than the one before. And I also wonder what the expectations were and what was considered normal in the times before our grand/great grandparents. I really appreciate your thoughtful reply!💗
“Fathers have always had the capability to nurture their children. The beauty is that our culture increasingly expects and celebrates that kind of involvement rather than viewing it as unusual or unnecessary. This change is one I think will continue and I truly hope it does.”
Yes, Lauren! Well-said 👏✨🥂
Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed this read!
My dad always say’s “motherhood is hard work and it’s a thankless job. I’m glad I didn’t have to do it.”
And I never say this, because sharing opinions with my dad is often pointless and exhausting, but I always think: a mother doesn’t need to be thanked. She needs to be helped.
Yes! We need a partner, not just more appreciation. I always find it interesting that some men can pick up on the burden of responsibility that mothers carry, and still do nothing to try to take some of that burden away. I’m glad times are changing because it’s surely been a long time coming! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience as well💗
I’m working on this with my Husband too.
This! I always joke with my husband: I don’t need another man, what I need is a wife 🤣
My husband does help, he’s wonderful, but he will not do things on his own.
His favorite line: Just tell me what you need me to do.
To which I reply: I may as well do it on my own if I need to explain to you what needs to be done!
Exactly this! If we have to think through and ask someone to do what needs to be done, we have already taken on the mental labor of that responsibility. The mental load is often more draining than the physical burden, so at that point, it feels like we might as well do said task on our own. Sometimes it takes them time to see the things we see that need to be done, but they ARE capable of it😉.
Spot on! Great article!!
Thank you!! I’m glad you liked it!
The recliner and the kitchen were never just furniture. In Lauren’s essay, they become a map of who was permitted to rest, who carried the invisible work, and what children learned to call normal.
Her argument gains force when fatherhood moves beyond provision into ownership: diapers, appointments, teachers’ names, bedtime routines, and the mental load that keeps a household functioning. That shift changes motherhood too, creating space for breath, partnership, and an identity larger than perpetual availability.
Framework Living asks us to look inside the four walls where the village first takes shape. Follow Lauren from the holidays that angered her as a child to the sons now growing up with an involved father, and consider which family pattern your home is teaching the next generation to inherit.
Lauren, your movement from the kitchen and recliner toward shared ownership of the invisible work gives the essay its governing change: presence becomes responsibility before it becomes performance. The family emerges here as a child’s first institution, teaching who carries labor, whose rest is protected, and how love distributes responsibility. Your sons are learning fatherhood through daily participation, while motherhood gains room to breathe, choose, and remain fully human inside the family. Thank you for showing how a household can revise inherited roles and pass a more equitable definition of care into the next generation.
Wow thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m so happy you liked this post!
Interesting read!!! Growing up that was the dynamic in my family, all the men relaxing while the women do all the work. The men or dads were never emotionally involved with the kids. My husband and I are very much a team and tag team so much of the stuff with the kids, especially the emotional needs of them. I also do lots of yard work and sometimes he’ll do dishes! I think it’s better to be a team and everyone participates.
Thank you for reading! I totally agree that teamwork is the focal point. Each person has various strengths and weaknesses, and relationship/parenting dynamics are all about balancing them.
I’m a new mom and felt confident that my husband would be a great father. In many ways, he is a great father, but the load is definitely not equal and is something we are working on. One of my good friends has a husband who hasn’t helped at night since DAY TWO! My own dad had thoughts on that today, and I asked how many nights he helped with… he admitted that he travelled for work 110 nights a year (average). Parenting is the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life so far. I think we are all doing our best but I really appreciate the viewpoint of the village starting at home.
It’s all a work in progress, to be sure. And you’re right that we are all trying our best! My focus is more so on the cultural shift and how on average, fathers are more involved in the day-to-day than they maybe were in generations before. Thank you for taking the time to read💗